Glowing, my ass.

Don't you just love it when people say pregnant women "glow"? I've been pregnant 3 times....1 resulted in a baby, 1 in a miscarriage and now I'm on my 3rd. And I've yet to glow. In fact, I DESPISE being pregnant. It sucks a big fat one. What on earth is fun about feeling sick for 10 months, getting fat, not being able to see your feet, not being able to shave your hoo-haa or your legs, having your legs, feet and hands swell up like little vienna sausages......and then, as the icing on the cake, you get to push a 7-9 pound child out your vagina! Oh, yea, that sounds like LOADS of fun. I'm thinking I really HAVE lost my mind to think that I actually did this to myself *on purpose* after having already experienced it once. I'm completely insane. There, I said it.

Oh, and maybe you noticed where I said "feeling sick for 10 months" and you're thinking....'oh, poor thing is so off, she doesn't even realize that pregnancy lasts NINE months, not 10.'

FAT CHANCE. The 9 month pregnancy is a myth perpetuated by MEN. Any woman who has ever carried a little/big parasite in her gut will tell you that pregnancy lasts FORTY weeks....sometimes 42. And 40 divided by 4 equals what?? You got it: TEN. Ten long months. Ten months in purgatory. Ten months of sharing your body with another being. Ten months of HELL.

One of my favorite books I've read during this pregnancy is "Pregnancy Sucks: What to do when your miracle makes you miserable" by Joanna Kimes. She is a pioneer. She has shattered the myth that *all* women enjoy pregnancy, and , glow.

So, I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant...or 9 1/2 months, however you want to look at it. And I hate my life right now. I want this kid OUT OF ME, yet I am also terrified of the whole process of getting him out!! I daydream about the good ole days when doctors just gave the mom to be a really cool cocktail of drugs and she went nighty-night while they took care of getting the baby out, cleaning it up and then presenting her with the bundle of joy after she woke up. But noooooo-- we've progressed!!! NOW, we get to experience all the joy and pain of pushing a watermelon through an opening the diameter of a banana. We get to be awake as we poop on the delivery table as we're trying to push the thing out. Yea, that's progress for ya. Kiss my ass.

Elvis lives!

OK, so there's my handsome husband, Doug. He really does look like Elvis. Young Elvis. Pre-pill-poppin' Elvis. Except he's taller. And more handsome :)

I just have to give a shout out to the man on here. We've only been together since October of 2003. He's welcomed my 7 year old son with open arms, treating him as his own, taking him camping, taking him to Cub Scouts, etc. He's put up with my miserable pregnancy.......doing everything around the house: dishes, laundry, vacuuming......he even rubs my feet every night.

Not to mention that he has been sent to the barn quite a few times to take care of my horse, Romeo, when I haven't felt able. Oh, and he cleans out the dog kennel, too! Seriously, he's been such a wonderful husband, I feel truly blessed. And scared. I mean, I'm used to the assholes, ya know? The bad boys are the ones I always wanted and had to have. Now, here I am, married to not only a *nice* guy, but a nice guy with a college degree and a very nice job. I hit the lottery, folks! Oh-- and to put the icing on the cake-- I've NEVER had to clean a toilet since we've been together, bless his heart.

I gotta give him props...this pregnancy has been really hard on me.......BUT also, because it's been hard on me, it's been hard on him. He had to take over complete care of my son-- taking him to school, feeding him, getting him in bed at night, etc....during the first difficult months of my pregnancy when a trip to the bathroom was a feat in and of itself. He continued to work full time AND took over the entire household which included- in addition to my son, Gavin- 3 dogs and 1 horse. All without complaint. All without asking for anything in return. (OK, so I was baking his child in my belly, maybe that thought kept him going! LOL). As the pregnancy has progressed, I've felt better but I've gotten HUGE and developed some nasty habits. Like farting. All. night. long. And TOTALLY hogging the bed. He's 6'3". I'm 5'3". If he's lucky, he gets an 8 inch wide slice of our queen size bed. I think he only got up and slept on the couch once.

As I've said before, bless his heart.

If you're reading this, I love ya, hon! Thanks for putting up with me. Hopefully, only a few more days and then YOU can take care of Jaxon for 9 months!! Just kidding!! **Maybe! LOL!

Tweedle Dee

I try to avoid looking in the mirror these days....for obvious reasons. Specifically, 45 of them. That is- the 45 pounds I've gained in this pregnancy! And maternity clothes are the product of satan. Sure, they're comfy. Just don't look in a mirror or you'll realize you could be a stunt double for TweedleDee or TweedleDum. HOW do the movie stars manage to gain nothing except a tiny little belly......I mean, it looks like they swallowed a volleyball and THAT's IT! No cellulite on the butt, no saggy arms, no puffy face.....it's not fair. Blogger says I can upload images now......let me give ya'll a before and after......

Before pregnancy directly above (with the blonde hair)........during pregnancy as seen above to the left (with the red hair). Yes, they are both me. Yes, I change my hair color often.

So....wonder how long it will take me to get the "before" body back again?

Ok, so back to pregnancy talk......I've gone to the pool a few times this summer and anytime I mention to someone that I wear a bikini, I get a *horrified* look in return. As if stretching a yard of floral lycra maternity suit across my behemoth mass is going to hide the fact that I'm almost 9 months pregnant!

In a tone that is usually reserved for those who have been diagnosed with terminal illness, I get "You're wearing a -- BIKINI-- to the pool?!?!??"

Um, yea. Why wouldn't I?

You're pregnant!

No shit, Captain Obvious! You really think a little more fabric is going to hide that fact! HA! So, I put on my bikini and I get my tan on! Even some of the other pregnant women at the pool look at me as if I have broken some pregnancy code of honor. Give me a break.

I'm gonna go put on my bikini and get a tan :0) Have a great day!

Can. Not. Sleep.

UGH! Don't you just hate that! It's 3:21am and I CANNOT SLEEP. Nevermind that at 11:30pm I could barely keep my eyes open as I stumbled to bed. Got my pillows arranged (takes quite an effort to keep this mammoth-sized body comfy), laid my head down and....nothing. Staring at the walls, the ceiling, the red numbers on the alarm clock. For hours. Finally I said "screw it" and I got up and got on the puter. Yay. I just don't understand it and it's frustrating the hell out of me! ARGH! I'm exhausted, so tired, and yet I cannot sleep!

Ok, so I haven't updated my blog in awhile. Obviously, the 4th of July has come and gone. Me, Doug, Gavin and Fajita went and watched fireworks. That was fun-- Gavin really enjoys them :)
The week prior, Doug and Gavin went to Tennessee for the Ivey family reunion......which is only once every 5 years.....and I wasn't allowed to go because of my 'condition'. Nice, huh? So, I basically just stayed home and cleaned a bit, hung some pictures on our newly painted walls, slept...while they did all sorts of fun things like swimming and eating and going to the Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL.

OK, this is totally rambling, but Jaxon is *really* starting to make me wonder if he is Rosemary's Baby. I don't know what the hell he is on, but he is doing things in my uterus that shouldn't be possible at this stage in a pregnancy.....I'm looking at my belly and it looks like that little baby creature from Alien is trying to escape. Really, it's so weird. Gavin never moved this much. Makes me terrified I'm going to have one of those kids who never stops....YOU know the ones....they get up at like 6am, never take a nap, climb the walls, demand all your attention, run out in the street to play, hate all kinds of food and don't go to sleep until midnight. I swear if he comes out like that, I'm selling him to the gypsies. I'm in a lovely mood, eh?

I suppose the events of today (well, technically yesterday) in London aren't helping. When are these freaking IDIOTS going to STOP?!?!?? Another terrorist bombing. All over the mass transit system in London. Dozens of people dead and hundreds more injured. Will it never end?
I guess I just don't understand the cowardice that these extremist groups exhibit.
'Hey-- lets go bomb a bunch of innocent civilians'
'GREAT idea!'
'And we can just wait till after all the damage is done, then email someone that our group is responsible'
'Cool!'

I mean, seriously, what is the point? To *really* prove that they are impotent piles of shit? That they have NO balls. That they can't fight like a REAL man.....out in plain sight, giving his opponent at least a fighting chance at defending himself??!!! Noooooooo! Let's just fly planes into buildings and plant bombs on trains. That's SO much braver! And WAY cooler. And just PROVES how freakin' STUPID you are! Assholes.

Sorry.

But.

I just don't get it.

OK, maybe I really should try and sleep now. If this creature in my gut ever settles down enough so that I can!

Till next time....