Wow

I cannot believe how long it has been since I wrote a blog. I guess it's because I use myspace most of the time, but sometimes a girl's just gotta blog and not be distracted by all the other stuff on sites like myspace.

Anyway.....wow, yea. I'm 2 years older. And really finally realizing it. I was lying in bed a few nights ago and realized... I'm getting old. I am beyond my 'hot' years. This revelation was disquieting to say the least. I had an awkward childhood, then awkward teen years. I was cute, but because I had been such a geek in elementary school, I never saw myself as cute. Then in my late teens and early 20s I was so sick all the time, and so very thin (92 pounds at one point), that I didn't have the energy to appreciate my youth and budding beauty. My late 20s and early 30s, however, were HOT DAMN! I had some great times, I really felt good about my body and attractive, I dated alot.....they were good years. As I reflect, they were most definitely my most attractive years. At one point I had a cougar phase and, at 31, I briefly dated an 18 year old. BARELY 18. Yea, I know! In my defense, I had met him in a bar and he was wearing a wristband (indicating that he was at least 21) and he had told me he was 24. A couple weeks later, I saw his driver's license and discovered that not only was he only 18, but he had just turned 18 two months prior! Oy vey! AND he was still in high school! He had been able to hide it for a couple weeks because he went to a vocational school where he worked for 2 weeks, then attended school for 2 weeks, then back to work, etc. I had met him the weekend prior to his 2 week work phase and went and met him for lunch at his job site several times, he came and spent the night with me, etc. What was even worse was that I was only a couple years younger than his mother! Literally! Anyway, we split when I discovered how old he really was, but we remain friends. But, yea, it was a lot of fun (and very flattering!) to be 31 and have this hot, young, hardbodied teenager interested in me. As I laid in bed the other night, however, I realize that this will not be possible for me again. Well, I mean, I'm married so of course it won't happen again....but I'm just saying...if I was single, it's not gonna happen. I notice the loss of elasticity in the skin on my face and neck. I'm starting to look haggard. I can only imagine what I will look like in another 10 years. I've always prided myself on looking much younger than I am...and even well into my 30's, I was always mistaken for being in my 20s. I doubt that would ever happen again and it saddens me. It puts me closer to death, lol. Seriously, tho, I know there have to be plenty of women out there who have went through this revelation...and I wonder, how do you handle it? It's almost overwhelming to think about, but not something you can really ask someone else. I mean, if you say "Hey, I just wondered how you felt when you realized you weren't a hot young thing anymore?".....you are essentially saying 'You are not a hot young thing anymore', and that is as patently unacceptable as asking a women when she is due when she has not personally, herownself, told you that she is expecting. (Another mistake I made once, and never repeated. Oh, the embarrassment!).....So, any words of advice? Shoot them my way!