Glowing, my ass.
Don't you just love it when people say pregnant women "glow"? I've been pregnant 3 times....1 resulted in a baby, 1 in a miscarriage and now I'm on my 3rd. And I've yet to glow. In fact, I DESPISE being pregnant. It sucks a big fat one. What on earth is fun about feeling sick for 10 months, getting fat, not being able to see your feet, not being able to shave your hoo-haa or your legs, having your legs, feet and hands swell up like little vienna sausages......and then, as the icing on the cake, you get to push a 7-9 pound child out your vagina! Oh, yea, that sounds like LOADS of fun. I'm thinking I really HAVE lost my mind to think that I actually did this to myself *on purpose* after having already experienced it once. I'm completely insane. There, I said it.
Oh, and maybe you noticed where I said "feeling sick for 10 months" and you're thinking....'oh, poor thing is so off, she doesn't even realize that pregnancy lasts NINE months, not 10.'
FAT CHANCE. The 9 month pregnancy is a myth perpetuated by MEN. Any woman who has ever carried a little/big parasite in her gut will tell you that pregnancy lasts FORTY weeks....sometimes 42. And 40 divided by 4 equals what?? You got it: TEN. Ten long months. Ten months in purgatory. Ten months of sharing your body with another being. Ten months of HELL.
One of my favorite books I've read during this pregnancy is "Pregnancy Sucks: What to do when your miracle makes you miserable" by Joanna Kimes. She is a pioneer. She has shattered the myth that *all* women enjoy pregnancy, and, glow.
So, I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant...or 9 1/2 months, however you want to look at it. And I hate my life right now. I want this kid OUT OF ME, yet I am also terrified of the whole process of getting him out!! I daydream about the good ole days when doctors just gave the mom to be a really cool cocktail of drugs and she went nighty-night while they took care of getting the baby out, cleaning it up and then presenting her with the bundle of joy after she woke up. But noooooo-- we've progressed!!! NOW, we get to experience all the joy and pain of pushing a watermelon through an opening the diameter of a banana. We get to be awake as we poop on the delivery table as we're trying to push the thing out. Yea, that's progress for ya. Kiss my ass.
Oh, and maybe you noticed where I said "feeling sick for 10 months" and you're thinking....'oh, poor thing is so off, she doesn't even realize that pregnancy lasts NINE months, not 10.'
FAT CHANCE. The 9 month pregnancy is a myth perpetuated by MEN. Any woman who has ever carried a little/big parasite in her gut will tell you that pregnancy lasts FORTY weeks....sometimes 42. And 40 divided by 4 equals what?? You got it: TEN. Ten long months. Ten months in purgatory. Ten months of sharing your body with another being. Ten months of HELL.
One of my favorite books I've read during this pregnancy is "Pregnancy Sucks: What to do when your miracle makes you miserable" by Joanna Kimes. She is a pioneer. She has shattered the myth that *all* women enjoy pregnancy, and
So, I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant...or 9 1/2 months, however you want to look at it. And I hate my life right now. I want this kid OUT OF ME, yet I am also terrified of the whole process of getting him out!! I daydream about the good ole days when doctors just gave the mom to be a really cool cocktail of drugs and she went nighty-night while they took care of getting the baby out, cleaning it up and then presenting her with the bundle of joy after she woke up. But noooooo-- we've progressed!!! NOW, we get to experience all the joy and pain of pushing a watermelon through an opening the diameter of a banana. We get to be awake as we poop on the delivery table as we're trying to push the thing out. Yea, that's progress for ya. Kiss my ass.
posted by Carey @ 7:28 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home