I'd be irritable, too!

Today I had my first of many "fetal non-stress tests", more commonly known as an "NST".
Basically, since my first born son had a condition called IUGR (a fancy acronym for "you've got a small baby in there"), they are monitoring me closely with this pregnancy. Um, I don't need an MD behind my name to tell you that THIS baby is NOT small....not small at all. But, I figure I'll humor my doctor and come in twice a week for these tests.....what do I have to complain about? I get to lay on a comfy table, in the air conditioning, prop my feet up and read, daydream or doze uninterrupted for 20-30 minutes or more! Besides, my insurance company has pissed me off, and anything I can do to stick it to them royally is A-OK in my book....and these NST's ain't cheap, baby! $150 a pop and I get 2 a week!
OK, so today was my first NST. Gavin's out of school so he came with me and kindly read me Dr. Suess's Green Eggs & Ham while I was laying there. " I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am. I will not eat them in a box, I will not eat them with a fox, I will not eat them here nor there, I will not eat them anywhere."
Gavin thought it was really cool when he got to hear the baby's heartbeat when they strapped me onto the machine, and all the aquatic "whooshing" sounds of little man doing backflips in my belly (of course, he thought it was MUCH cooler when he found a Gameboy game cartridge under the chair that someone had dropped....). Remember when you were a kid and you'd swim to one side of the pool, flip around real quick and push off the side of the pool- HARD- and swim back to the other side, and repeat it, again and again and again? Well, that's what this baby does. Only in my abdomen. And occasionally, he pushes off of my lungs, bladder or other vital organs, instead of "just" my uterus. And people wonder why I'm getting spayed! HA!
Back to the NST. They hook me up to a machine that records contractions and the baby's heartrate. I have to hold a little thing that resembles a penlight and push it every time the baby moves....this way they can see of the baby is getting "stressed" when moving. (Hey! What about ME??!!) All of this is recorded on a long strip of paper that resembles a lie-detector test thingy (I SWEAR, that is the technical term for it!).
The more a baby moves, the less time you have to spend hooked up to the machine because they can see right away whether "the heartrate is nice and strong and baby is tolerating life in the uterus ok."
So, since I have an amatuer gymnist in there (that, or Rosemary's baby-- I'm still not sure which), my test only lasted about 10 or 15 minutes today. The doctor comes in, looks at the little printout and says "Ooooohhhhh, very active baby!"
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Then....."and I see your uterus is irritable."
"Well, I'm pretty irritable myself these days...." I replied....not sure how I should respond to the observation that my baby's temporary housing is 'irritable'.
The doctor kind of laughs and explains that actually my uterus just doesn't like being pregnant (well, at least we have ONE thing in common!) and that it's already (or *still*, as I believe) trying to put this baby out on the mean streets so it can go back to room-mate free living.
For the 2nd, or 15th time (can't remember!) this pregnancy I'm told to "take it really easy and drink LOTS of water!"
Alright, can do.
Do the dishes? Sorry, Doug, gotta TAKE IT EASY-- Doctor's orders.
Vacuum? Sorry, Doug, gotta TAKE IT EASY-- Doctor's orders.
Laundry? Ditto.

Hmmmm......this doesn't seem so bad after all.....